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Is that the reason my relationships fail? (Book)

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The following is an excerpt of the mental health book entitled “Is That The Reason My Relationships Fail?” “Eventually one of them blinks, and begins to distance themselves from the relationship, either physically or emotionally. That person is often the one who has been most enmeshed in their childhood. They’ve been too smothered, and they are either highly sensitive to inappropriate attempts to get close or they view appropriate attempts to get close as enmeshment, and so gradually move away from intimacy. They begin to read the paper more, or they stay at work longer, and don’t really focus on the other person. They stop viewing their partner in the “I Thou” way. The other partner feels abandoned and begins to act like the pursuer. She tends to relive that abandonment feeling, which means that in some ways she goes back to exactly one and a half years old, and re-experiences the abandonment again. Since infant time is much longer than adult time the pursuer feels as if a minute is an hour, and they often even have physical symptoms of withdrawal for the other person. They feel desperate to get that person back. So, naturally, they pursue, and when they do the distancer is going to feel enmeshed once again, and they are going to run.” By Jef Gazley MS, LMFT 2008

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